1. You don’t leave the house with wet hair – ever
Not even if it’s 30 degrees out and it will be dry within five minutes. The only acceptable place to be seen with wet hair is at the swimming pool or at the beach.

 

2. You don’t take ‘No’ for an answer
When you first get to Italy, dealing with the country’s bureaucracy is frustrating and requires nerves of steel. But after going around in endless loops, you finally wise up and start proposing your own solutions. If only you’d known that in the first place.

 

3. Face-to-face communication
Most things can generally be resolved with a quick email or a phone call – unless you’re in Italy. Italians like to resolve things in person, be that for you to sign a document or to discuss a potential contract.

 

4. Tough luck for freelancers
If you’re a freelancer in Italy, don’t expect to get paid at the end of the month. It could be several months before you get paid or even several years if you’re being paid through regional or EU funding. Factor this in before you take on the job.

 

5. Marking public holidays
At the beginning of the year you look up the public holidays to figure out when they fall. If they fall on the weekend, you don’t get another day off in the week. If they fall on a Tuesday or a Thursday, then the infamous ‘ponte’ (bridge) happens and people take the Monday or the Friday off as well. If there’s an extra-long weekend to be had, you’re definitely going to take advantage of it.

 

6. You learn how to queue effectively
You’ll become an expert at queuing and will keep all kinds of things in your bag (Kindle, books, work documents, etc) to help pass the time. As for family doctors, they normally don’t have an appointment schedule so you turn up an hour before they open, just to make sure you get seen.

 

7. Hellos and goodbyes take forever
Forget the general ‘hi everyone this is X, X this is everyone’. Everyone gets up and you work your way around the table to shake hands and introduce yourself to everyone. Goodbyes are the same. You must shake hands or kiss each person, no matter that you might have only just introduced yourself to them ten minutes before.

 

8. Astrology matters
The Italians are superstitious and know their horoscopes. If you don’t know what zodiac sign you are on the cusp of or what your rising sign is, you will find it out after several months of living in Italy. One friend was even called into her son’s kindergarten to discuss whether his behaviour was down to his star sign. Her response? – No, he’s going through the terrible twos.

 

9. Cleaners are an essential part of everyday life
You might only have a one-bed apartment, but most professionals normally hire someone to keep the place in order. And think of the positives – it gives you more time to enjoy aperitifs or to go to the gym.

 

10. Hierarchy is important
Titles are important. In a business context, you address someone with a degree in engineering as ‘Ingenere’ or a qualified lawyer as ‘Avvocato’. And always use the formal ‘lei’ unless the person you’re talking to suggests you use the informal ‘tu’ (ci diamo del tu?).

 

11. Postal services work in mysterious ways
Letters and parcels from abroad can arrive in two days, but when they come from a few hundred kilometres away, they can take over a week. No one knows why. It’s one of those eternal Italian mysteries, which requires a shrug of the shoulders. When it arrives, it arrives, right?

 

12. Learn to be flexible, especially if you’re in the south of Italy
Don’t assume that a 9.30am meeting will take place at 9.30am because it probably won’t. Italians have shuffling appointments down to a fine art, which means that at 9am, your appointment could get moved to 10.30am. Consequently, you bring another meeting forward, postpone coffee until after the meeting which is now at 10.30am and then add another two people to lunch. You have to be in the system to appreciate its flexibility, so go with the flow.

 

13. Italians take both health and food extremely seriously
It’s only natural that you’d discuss intimate health problems while twisting spaghetti round your fork. For some reason, haemorrhoids are a favourite topic at the dinner table, along with constipation and digestion problems. Should you ever be presented with a gastronomic delight you’re not too keen on, smile wistfully and say ‘It looks delicious and I’d absolutely love to, but it plays havoc with my digestive system’.

 
Special for ELM – guest blogger Emma Bird.

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